changeMindPain and Suffering

This Is Why Change Can Feel So Difficult

There’s something important I want to talk about today, because at some point, your life will require it!


It’s the reason we’re able to transform and elevate our lives with more peace and joy. But it’s also the reason why most people don’t transform their lives and follow through on new year resolutions… or resolutions any time of year!

Have you ever said to yourself anything like:

“This year I’m going to be the healthiest I’ve ever been!”

“This year I’ll learn to say NO!”

“I’m going to quit my job.”

“I’m going to stop taking on other people’s emotions.”

“This is the year I actually learn to meditate!”

“I’m going travelling this year.”

It feels good right?

There’s a feeling inside you. Your heart is calling you towards something… and just the thought of actually doing it lifts your spirit.

It can put you on a high. Your heart opens, and there’s a sense of joy and enthusiasm as you feel your future self doing it.

But then at some point the high starts to fade and you realize – to achieve it, something has to change.

The scary thing about change – you actually have to change!

And it’s far scarier than we can usually comprehend consciously. Otherwise it would be easy.


Because it feels like dying.

Death of the old makes way for the new

This is important to understand!

Your emotions, reactions, your traumas and fears, your belief systems and your societal and parental conditioning creates the familiar sense of you.

Your familiar sense of self is the filter through which you see the world, and it governs your state of mind, which influences your actions, reactions and choices!

The danger is that the familiar becomes too comfortable, and you become identified with the familiar comfort.

And because of this, change feels like dying!

To change, is to let some part of your old familiar sense of self die.

We could also say it’s a letting go of old familiar habits of behaviour, and this would be accurate… But “letting go” doesn’t quiet capture the intensity of what it can feel like inside.

When I first started teaching meditation many years ago, I was doing a few public talks about the power of meditation and making an impact in the lives of others. Being a sensitive introvert, getting up and speaking in front of a group of people was definitely not natural for me! It was the last thing I ever imagined I would do.

But I had a vision and believed in something bigger than me.

I knew that a peaceful and connected world is a joint effort, and the world desperately needs people who can live from their heart and anchor stillness and peace in their own life, knowing this will ripple out into the world.

I knew if people can’t quiet the noise and inner conflict of their own mind, this will only create more conflict in their life, and the world.

I had a vision (now the Peacekeeper Project) but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I realized how identified I’d become to my habits of being a sensitive introvert. There was a conflict between my comfort and where my heart was calling me.

As much as I would’ve preferred to keep to myself and have a quiet night at home, I chose to act on the vision that was emerging from inside me.

In the process there was a letting go (dying) of the part of me identifying with the old pattern. The fascinating thing about experiences like this, is that you don’t realize the burden of fear you’re carrying, until you feel the freedom of letting it go.

Am I still a sensitive introvert?


But this means something different since cultivating a relationship to the stillness inside me. I talked about this in an article I wrote for Tiny Buddha Last year: Why Introverts Feel Drained in Groups and How I Preserve My Energy

It’s important to understand what’s happening inside because it helps you to move through it consciously, as opposed to becoming stuck and stagnant by unconscious fears.

If there’s something important for you to do this year, something your heart is calling you towards, but you feel the fear of change showing its face, remember you’re not alone!

This is a common human experience.

You don’t have to do it alone!

There are many ways you can feel supported

Talk to a friend. Share your dreams and aspirations. Challenge each other to move towards them.

Connect with people who have a similar goal – Find your tribe.

Stay connected here and subscribe to my newsletter as I share more insights and perspective on the mind and living from the heart.

I’d love to hear from you! Send me an email and tell me your aspirations.

Join the Peacekeeper Project Community private Facebook group.

Join the next Free Live Online Meditation and connect in stillness with others around the world (see below).

Take a 21 day immersive journey into your heart through meditation and mindfulness in my Finding Stillness Online course. This was created out of my personal journey over the last 18 years in meditation, mindfulness, exploring consciousness and understanding of human connection to ultimately help the bring more peace and connection into the world.

Whatever your goals or aspirations are, remember you’re not alone!